(1) Help me out here all my words are falling short.

(1) Help me out here all my words are falling short.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

For the second time in a week I've had to call Gary non-emergency to report a break-in at my house.
Some jackass bent the latch on the gate, bypassing the lock, stealing my fire pit and a trashy sink. I don't care about the cheap fire pit, I care that they felt the compulsion to steal it like the assholes they are. Woo, you can get $5 for the metal it was made out of, but is that worth your pissy little soul burning in hell?
Last Saturday someone threw a log through a bedroom window but didn't get into the house to steal the hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars worth of stuff in there.
This house is becoming the bane of my existence. I can't stand it anymore.
My sister and brother-in-law were with me when I saw the gate wide open and the fire pit missing.
"I'm sorry," my sister said.
So am I. But I'm done being mad about it. It's petty and giving whoever keeps vandalizing my house more power over me. I'm investing in a video camera and a DVD recorder and will post signs that say the house is being monitored and it won't be an empty threat. If I catch anyone, there are police reports of the damage and I'll see them rot in jail.
I haven't even lived in there for five minutes and already "they" are trying to keep me from realizing me dream.

Well you know what? Fuck you, whoever you are you worthless piece of shit, I've got two pit bulls and a Rottweiler mix and I would love for them to meet you. If tasers are legal, I think I might invest in one of those too.

I am going to live in that house and I will beat the hell out of anyone who so much as walks across the corner of my lawn.

And you, yeah you! the whore in the red hoodie!--I'm calling the cops if I see your trick-turning skank ass anywhere near my property and your little pimp too!

Though time goes by I will always be in a club with you in 1973.

Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

I hate my house.
I haven't even lived there but I hate it.
Some asshole tried to break into it or was bent on simply causing destruction. They threw a small log through the window in the same room that the crack whore was hiding in. That room is cursed. My dad asks me why I don't want that one for my bedroom. Uh. Nightmares?? Seriously. Plus the whole house is mine--it doesn't matter where my bedroom is. My stuff will be in every room 'cause it's my house.
Not that I have any desire to stay there.
They didn't get into the house, thank God. The alarm would've gone off if they had. I think the lack of floor in that room might've made them think twice. But that side of the house is very vulnerable with an abandoned school, no lights at the moment and no neighbors or prying eyes. Wait until I do live there and the dogs are there. No one will fuck with Israel.

What's done? Not much. My dad did get some work done for the water heater but that's about it. I am so sick of it not being ready. I'm sick of shelling out money for something I can't enjoy. If I'd even be able to enjoy it. My phone still doesn't work, the tech never came out or called, I've been paying for internet I've never used since July that doesn't even work because the phone won't work! It can all be traced back to the wires coming down and them taking over two weeks to come out and fix it. There's still a wire in the backyard that goes to cable. I will cut it eventually, fuck whoever owns it because they won't come out and do something about it.

In good news my putting off calling to make an appointment for a doctor's visit to get approved for life insurance paid off. Literally. I got refunded after I didn't go in to have measurements taken. First of all, no. I don't want to go to a doctor. I don't have time. I didn't like that they kept calling at like ten in the evening and could barely speak properly. Nor do I have the spare change. I told the insurance agent that--the job was probably going to change, I don't have an extra $32 sitting around. Life insurance is not that important. Whether or not it bites me in the ass, meh.

So anyway. Maybe tomorrow something will get done. More than likely it won't. I am so over this.

Painted.

My bedroom painted: check.
Bathroom walls painted: check.
Front room painted: check.

The kittens are getting so big!
I got two more fish, two Black Moor goldfish on the 30th. They're doing quite well. It's easy to take care of fish when you know what you're doing!
I spent over thirty minutes cleaning both tanks. I've getting high nitrate levels in my established tank. Really the only thing to do is change the water, so I did.

I'm doing NaNoWriMo again this year and after several annoying false starts I've discovered the right path to take. It's perfect, dramatic without being too much. Should be interesting!

Oh yeah, my furnace is turned on, I'm going to repaint/redecorate the kitchen, and my dad is hopefully going to fix the water heater and gas line as well as do the floor in the front bedroom. Sigh. ONE OF THESE DAYS!!!! It will be so weird to finally move out.

Half done.

Half done.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

Done so far:

* Kitchen cabinets are painted
* Hallway, bathroom, bedroom are primered and/or painted

....

Wow. It seemed like so much more when I was actually doing it.
Hm.

Well, at least I like the color that's on the walls! .... in this room.

But now I want to repaint the stupid kitchen because the yellow just looks blah next to the main paint color in the house. But what should I paint the kitchen instead??? Decisions, decisions.

Still so far.

Ia.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

It's been a while since I updated.
I have three dogs and three cats now.
Two kittens named Iolanthe and Denver Fane. Or Ia and Fane for short.
They're at the house, in the only room that's semi-livable and it makes me go over to my house every day at least twice to feed them and work on it.
Tonight I stayed for over two hours and did a lot of sanding and patching. Tomorrow I'm going to go over in the morning and finish the bedroom the kittens are staying in, so they'll have to be in the bathroom after I clean up the mini-mountains of plaster dust. And when I say finish, I mean primer and paint and patch the floor and try my hand at putting down the vinyl flooring I bought. I can do it! It would be very uplifting to have at least ONE room in that God-forsaken place done...

his brain was on fire.

so.
my phoneline is totally jacked up.
Brinks is coming out on Monday. I have to remember to call AT&T to cancel the repair order. I have no dialtone, nothing. But when I unplugged the alarm system, I got a busy signal over the phone. When I plugged it back in, nada.
It was so confusing, it took a few times to work it out.

I'm going to go over tomorrow morning to finish mudding and taping. When I went to do that, I broke down crying when I was surrounded by everything that I needed to still do. And with the phone giving me trouble, realizing I'm paying for two services that haven't worked in over a month really sent me over the edge and I left.

but tomorrow morning I intend on heading over there and getting the rest of the mudding done and I might sand, even though I loathe it.

Shooting for Monday.

• Get walls mudded and sanded
• Primer, paint front room, hallway, bathroom, bedroom
• Buy kitchen cabinets
• Install floors

That is my plan from today until the weekend, for as long as it takes. I'm still sore, I'm still dreading all of the sanding and getting covered in plaster...but it's got to be done and no one else is going to do it since it's my job.

The yard is finally almost decent after NIPSCO came along and hacked everything to bits. Now I have a fire pit and intend on burning most of the stuff.

I'm planning to have it all done this weekend, do or die, so I can move in on Monday and get a greyhound.
I am crazy, I know.

Yay for rotten floors.

Yay for rotten floors.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

Bane of my existence.

I hate this house.

there's not light in heaven that my eyes can see

I'm heading over to my house to do some needed taping, mudding and priming. I'll probably get some painting done. Maybe.

I'm in no hurry, but I'm not any less rushed to move in. It seems like if I try to predict a day the house throws something else at me to fix.

I am tired of spending money.

I don't even bother looking at the front bedroom. It is to the bare bones.

I forget that I still need furniture, appliances, and to lay down the flooring. At least I decided on a color for the bedroom and am going to return some stuff to Linens-N-Things to get the money back.

NEVER ENDING.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Rotten floors, tearing out drywall, deciding not to put up drywall...

I finally got all of the flooring for the house. ALL of it.
The kitchen is painted, the one front room wall is painted, the rest of it can be painted soon. I can finish the bathroom.
I need kitchen cabinets. I need furniture.
I got a $500 gift card to Linens-N-Things from my boss. I will definitely need it.

I got a third dog on the first, her name is Shifra. She's an American Pit Bull Terrier that I saw at the animal shelter and decided I had to have her. Her original name was Daisy. Boring!

Things I'm looking forward to when I finally move into my house:

• Setting up my big fish tank and possibly getting another fish
• Have room for my stuff!
• Getting the fourth and FINAL dog, my greyhound
• Having my own house....decorating it...
• Having Thanksgiving dinner at my house
  

Watching a painting coming to life...

It is taking an eternity to get the house ready.
New problems arise, the old ones don't get fixed...
I am so sick of sanding plaster. I'm covered in it.
I don't care anymore, therefore I'm leaving the kitchen walls 98% done because the last 2% is just too tedious. (And the 2% will take at least two hours.)
I'm here now to pick up a scrub brush to wash the kitchen walls and then I'm primering it and painting it tonight, screw waiting. I can't wait.

The bathroom is almost done...the floors need to be done but I need to see if I can increase my line of credit on my Home Depot card and buy the flooring....

I want/need to move out by Wednesday/Thursday. Guess how likely that is?

Well, at least the fence is finished--now if only stupid NIPCO hadn't come along and cut down a bunch of branches, filling up my yard. a-holes.
I am just stressed and depressed and nothing is going as fast as I want it to.

Officially a month.

Well, nothing else has gotten done on the house. I got a call to go to work and BIL couldn't make it. Sigh. One of these days I'll get to work on it. Maybe.

The family I work for are going away for a week or so, so then I have to get stuff done on the house ... or else.

The fence is going to be $1300. A lot...but it's important. Pretty much I wouldn't move out if there wasn't a fenced in yard.

Now onto the friggin' color palette. I am notorious for not deciding on colors. I thought that I would know exactly what I would want my house to look like when I moved out, but I was wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong wrong.
I made myself get a gallon of paint for the kitchen, certain that that was the color I wanted. I was wrong. But luckily it's a nice color and I'll probably paint the laundry room that color.
Meanwhile I found an issue of Martha Stewart from last August and the cover is one of my all-time favorites--it has the perfect color palette. The colors I already got for the front room will work fine with it. Otherwise I picked out the colors on the cover that speak to me. So now it's just figuring out which room gets painted what. argh!

Jacked up.

It's weird that I have a house while at the same time it's not weird at all. It was inevitable that I would get a house and move out, but that it happened so quickly is nice.
It's going to be August! When did this happen?!!

It was decided that the only thing to do in the crack whore room with the very wonky and uneven floor was to rip out the particle board, old cabinet door and God knows what else to get it down to the floor joists and start from scratch. When that layer was pulled up it was the biggest mess I have EVER seen. It doesn't even make any sense! There were hundreds, literally hundreds, of pieces of paneling, newspaper, A USED PAINT STICK, dirt!, and countless other random, ridiculous things. If their goal was to level the floor out, they failed miserably, because all it did despite the numerous layers of debris was slope in the same way except higher up.

There's still a lot left to do, but I think it'll get done before I know it. I hope.

I got the fence guys that Adam knows to come out and he guessed it would take about 140 feet of fencing and they could get it done by the weekend. SWEET!!! I will be really excited when that's done because I can bring the dogs with me and let them loose.

Alarmed and dangerous.

Let's try this again. 160/365
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

I finally got an alarm put in by Brinks. The system is super easy. The house is so small and there are so many windows that it would be ridiculous to arm every window. And cost at least $500. Meanwhile the motion sensor is now in the hallway and you basically have to go through the hallway no matter where you go except for the front part of the front room. If they climbed in a window in any other room, they'd have to come out into the hallway. Bam. The motion sensor gets them.
It was quite interesting to see the different routes they had to take since the house is so wonky and old. They couldn't hardwire the back door because there was no clearance since that part of the house was added on after the front part, so they had to put in a wireless sensor.
Otherwise it's really easy to work. Press ON when you leave, put in the code to turn it off. At night I can set it with motions off so I can get up and walk around and also press the INSTANT button, which means that if someone comes in through the door it'll instantly go off without the 32 second delay.
I'm sure it's all very standard and basic, but I like how simple it is. It still cracks me up that Judah once set off our alarm because she got out of her crate on Sunday morning. I got a call in the middle of church from ADT. Insane.
Oooh, I got stickers! Try breaking in to turn a trick NOW, bitches!

I'm vigilant about locking all the windows and doors and pulling out the little tabs on the windows so you can't open it more than a few inches, as well as keeping the blinds down and closed when I'm gone. I collect the mail and basically make my presence in the house known.

The picture is after I tore down a bunch of drywall that made a very impractical and rather large soffet in the bathroom. It totally choked the space and it was so dark in the shower because it was so low over it. I'm thinking it was about 6 feet high. I'm 5'6" and I couldn't obviously reach my arms over my head. Pretty stupid.

There's still so much left. My parents didn't get anything done except put up one piece of drywall. It was annoying and ridiculous. Hopefully I can enlist Adam to come over and help me finish the rest. I just need it up so I can started taping and mudding!

My parents are leaving for two weeks on vacation. I really, really wish I could go with. Dogs and the job prevent me. Maybe I'll try to go in January or something. When rates are low. Who knows I really need a vacation--but I don't really want to leave my dogs behind. Though a week break from them might be a good thing--except I know I'd miss them like crazy. I left Judah last June for three or four days and on the first day I cried when I saw a dog. Just a regular dog, not even one that looked like her. I know, sad, right? I can't help it! I really love them. But two is a lot of emotional stress sometimes, especially when one is a needy male pit bull. It'll all depend on money and time, of course.

Officially named.

My house is called Ty Bach Twt which is Welsh for "The Sweet Little House".

Come here and cry on my shoulder.

My parents and I went over to my house to work on it. Got a lot done. I tore down the wall in the bedroom. My dad took out the remaining studs in the kitchen that I couldn't do because I'm not a guy. They were nailed into the floor major. My mom pulled up carpet staples. They stapled the crap out of those nasty carpets. At least the padding, that is.
The laundry room scares me. I don't know what it is, maybe it's just the water heater and the hole in the wall. I'm just saying. And then when we pulled the paneling away from the wall to see what was underneath there was red as blood paint. ::chills::
Oh yeah! Since the crack whore busted the laundry room window my dad screwed a piece of wood over it just in case. Then he made the (for once) brilliant suggestion of putting in glass blocks instead. Perfect. And they come in sweet colors, even pink! That's awesome.
(The neighbor next door is Creole from Louisiana and is called Q because he has a very strange name that starts with a Q. So strange I can't remember it! He came out when we showed up and my dad was like "How you doing?" and his reply was, "Oh, blessed!" and my dad's was, "Amen, brother!" ... oh dear. He had a fence put up which means that there are now only two sections for me to buy fencing for. Yeesss. And he was so funny, "We put benches back they-uh, and we'll put in a bah for a bah-bee-cue" with that strange drawl of his that I knew was not from around here and I wasn't at all surprised to find out minutes later he's Creole. AWESOME!)
The floors are going to be a challenge. The house is old. I won't fault it for having really uneven floors in the front part of the house. But !?!? it's going to be fun figuring out wtf to do about it.
I have to have wood-look flooring in the kitchen, which is thankfully level, because my heart is set on it.
The rest of the house is up for grabs.
I punched a hole in the stupid effing homosexual soffit over the shower and bathroom sink. It is the dumbest accessory ever. If I stand in the shower I can't lift my arms over my head. I would bang my hands in the ceiling washing my hair. By the way, I'm going no 'poo. [ananas] mentioned it and I was like "wtf is 'no 'poo'??" and it seemed interesting and now I'm shampoo free for over a week. Neat, right?

Carpeting, padding, paneling. I need to rent a dumpster or something.


This is the kitchen  "before".


The kitchen "after".  No stupid wall!

Here you can actually see the lot next to the house. And the snazzy sewer pipes that serve as very sturdy planters in the front walk. ::rolls eyes:: Those are getting taken out, fo' sho'. I don't know if cypress trees would be overkill, but indulge me....picture a cypress lined walkway leading to a slate colored house with bright white trim and pale colored rose bushes on either side of the porch...oh hell yeah.

No termites.

Yayness for finding out last Thursday that there isn't an active colony of termites. woot.
I'm getting the security system installed on the 26th by Brinks and it'll be paid for by my boss.
I got my first mail at the house today. I was surreal. I have a HOUSE!
All of the carpeting is out, the paneling is out, now I need to knock down the plaster wall and put up drywall. The tack strips and staples from the carpet need to be pulled out but at least the outside is tidier, with mowing and pruning taking place last week. I don't even remember what day it was. It doesn't matter!

I saw Transformers yesterday and it was ridiculously awesome. The Autobots kicked ass. Such a good premise for an action movie. Plus Shia LaBeouf ... hot.

Lovely paneling.

Lovely paneling.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

This is the lovely paneling that WAS on the front room wall.
"This is expensive, it's real wood!" my dad would say.
And I would comment that it will probably burn really well.
I cannot stand paneling of any sort. Especially this crap. It covered a dark olive green wall that people named Mike and Terri painted with black lacquer or something else with the design of a tree and what looked like an eye.
The only wall that needs to be knocked out and put up drywall is in the front bedroom. That shouldn't be difficult.
I have to work today from 5-12 so I won't have time to go back over there to take up the carpet.
Tomorrow I was supposed to get my phone set up but apparently AT&T can't get their thumbs out of their asses. Nice! they were supposed to email me to confirm the date and time, but of course that was on Tuesday and three business days have come and gone. I forgot about it and since today is Sunday they don't have anyone there to bitch at about their incompetence.

In other news, Psych's new season is starting on Friday and Anna is getting married on Saturday. That should be weird.

Where do I even begin?

Closing went super fast and really well. Sign here, sign here. Hand over the check, take the key, thank you!

Rachel and I drove over, I put down the welcome mat, we were chit chatting about how I've only been in there two times and she's only been in it once. We go to the first bedroom and stop in the hall when we hear rustling. It wasn't our imagination. A raccoon!? my mind races.

Rachel starts SCREAMING and I turn and notice about a second after she did A FUCKING TOPLESS BLACK WOMAN COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET!

We both started shreiking, Rachel lost a flip flop in our scramble to get out of the house as fast as we could. The TOPLESS BLACK WOMAN HIDING IN THE CLOSET (who HEARD us and didn't say anything!) kept saying, "Is this your house? DON'T BE SCARED! DON'T BE SCARED! I WAS JUST--" and our screams drowned her out.

Rachel called the cops. Two finally showed up. They were a bit perplexed, putting on their gloves and crossing the lawn. They found her out back. How she got in we don't know. The third cop to show up raised his eyebrows at our story and laughed. LAUGHED! They were all very amused by it. I was not.

Nothing was missing, but the laundry room was weird. The ceiling tile was ripped down, the paneling was off the wall, but it wasn't necessarily damaged.

The crack whore left some kind of gauze in the room on the floor and a small piece of foil with fucking lube on it and the story was that she was brought there by some guy, lied about having never been there before, and saying that he told her it was vacant and she was turning a trick for $80.

I swear I could not make this shit up if I was high and sipping Darjeeling with Andy Griffith.

I had to tell my parents. I mean. Shit.

I am never going back there alone until I have a security system. I'm putting up a No Trespassing sign tonight as per the cop's suggestion. It was funny because he was like "Are you moving in?" and I said yeah, but I have two dogs.
"What kind?"
And I proudly said, "A pit bull and a Rottweiler mix."
And I'm never going there without Israel. Nuh-uh. I am this close to getting a German Shepherd.

Fucking crazy. JUST PLAIN CRAZY!

My mom called me back after I told her and she said that Isla (the wife of the pastor of the church that she has her evening classes at) said that I should put crosses up in the rooms. And I said I already planned on getting the house blessed and just holy shit (?) I am totally doing that. She also said I should have a prayer meeting there. Yes, please! Because we don't know what went on in there before and sue me, I believe in that stuff (creepy shit happening, bad vibes, etc). I had enough very paranormal experiences at my old apartment to know it's not imaginary.

I don't need no bad juju in my house, dammit!

I got the phone line appointment made for Monday, the gas got turned on this morning (and thank God I only had to wait around for two hours rather than nine that the company laughed about) and I got that put in my name, obviously.

Next order of business is doing the minor work I want to--floors, painting, etc. I have no idea when I'm going to get this shit done.

I was standing in my house this morning while waiting for the NIPSCO guy and thinking,"I am so in over my head."
I don't know--I'm glad I'm moving out and I want to do the work but AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Last post as a non-homeowner.

My monthly payment is going to be $314.50
Can I handle it?
(sarcasm)
This is my last post as a non-homeowner.

I'm going to need a bottle full of bub.

I WANT OUT SO BADLY! THE DAY IS FINALLY HERE!

What If the World Stops Turning

Today I'm supposed to close on the house. So far it hasn't been cancelled, so that's good. We'll see what comes of it. In the morning I'll call my real estate agent and get the details.

I'm not nervous. I'm sick of waiting!

I priced a fence for the front of the yard. So ridiculous that the sleeves for the fence posts cost more than the 6x6' sections. How stupid can you be? It's a vinyl sleeve. Hardly any vinyl, and they want to charge you as much as the actual fence. I think I'll just paint the freakin' post. How hard would that be??

I'm going to adopt a greyhound once I get settled in.
There are things taking priority and other things that I know and will wait for.

I'll hopefully have a more informative update later.

You could be happy.

My boss asked me yesterday as I spoke about closing on my house, "Is it safe?" meaning the neighborhood. She looked genuinely concerned. She's a worrier. I assured her it's a quiet neighborhood, I have two large dogs, and I'm only going to be 2 miles from my parents and within walking distance of my sister and brother-in-law.
I'll have a security system installed, I'm meticulous about keeping doors and windows locked, I'll have a secure fence, and I've got the ultimate stranger/burglar alarm: Israel. And Judah isn't a sissy, either. If her hackles are up, she'll let out a spine-chilling bark. I've been scared by it enough times to know that it would give anyone pause.

I think we'll (my sister, BIL, mom, dad) go over this weekend regardless of closing on Monday to clean up the front yard. I cannot wait to get that done. It will make a very big difference to me as far as seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In all honesty I wouldn't need to fix anything other than the floors, even that wouldn't need to be as extensive as it is going to be. I wouldn't need nice furniture, I wouldn't need to paint, even. The laundry room needs some work, but that's minimal. I could leave everything the way it is ... but I'm not going to. I could get by with second hand furniture, etc.
But I don't want to. As long as I pace myself, as long as I keep to the budget (i.e. not spending more than I make), it won't be a problem and I will be happy.

My boss asked if I wanted their old kitchen table since it didn't sell when they got rid of their other furniture from their old house. I said sure, I would take it. It's a bit different than accepting it from someone else--they honestly do have nice stuff. I'm a snob.

I think today I'll finish choosing paint colors and do some furniture shopping not only at the stores but also at the Salvation Army, Good Will, etc. Can't hurt to try to save money where I can!

We cock it back and let it go.

I'm supposedly only working a few hours today as opposed to overnight. We'll see how late it goes. Then I'm off until next Tuesday.

The closing has been pushed back to July 2nd because there was a death in the seller's family and he has to go out of town. !?!? I feel bad, but at the same time...I just want this to be over with!

I had to pay for the first year of home owner's insurance upfront. Bugger. Everyone says it seems so expensive and it really is but what else am I going to do? My mortgage, complete with everything, is going to be about $280 a month.

I got denied for adopting a smaller dog because I said Judah is a Rott/Lab mix and that Israel is obviously an APBT. They didn't even bother to try to see if they would get on. It pissed me off. I found a puppy that looks just like Judah did. I put in an application but it already has an adoption pending so we'll see. I emailed a greyhound group and told them what's what and they said it's case-by-case, not a blanket "no 'bully' breeds allowed" policy. I said my pit has been to classes, is good with other dogs, but can be cautious but it's never been a problem and I would never force a dog into my home if they didn't get along. But I really want a greyhound! Obviously I would have my dogs meet the greyhound first and find a good fit, and I would get a female even though I like the size of the males. Whatever.

sigh.
I'm just tired...

Closing.

It looks like this Friday is going to be the big day.
It's exciting but I'm kind of beyond the "ooh, fun!" and more into the "God, just HURRY UP so I can get out of here!" ...
I look around at my room, for one, and there is just no space. Every time I try to make space it doesn't work because there isn't room for containers for things. Plus I'm trying to fit an entire life into a 10x10 room, or thereabouts. It just can't fit no matter what.
People keep saying I won't have a clean house, stuff will be everywhere...
I guess they don't realize that there are four people living here....not just me.
I have cleaned many a time and literally within an hour it's back to the exact same state as before. So it's futile around here. They have way too much useless shit. Not that I don't, but it's been packed up for so long I don't even care or know what it is anymore. Most of my stuff is going to be thrown out or given away because I can't stand to look at it. I'm done holding onto sentimental things unless I really know I'm going to display it somewhere.
I won't have the room to do it and I am committed to having the dream house exterior and interior that I can so easily envision in my mind. And at last nothing is stopping me!

I know exactly how I want my kitchen and living room to look. EXACTLY. Every detail. I'm scouted out paint colors and all of the accessories. I've picked out the flooring as well. I decided on what room I'm going to have my bedroom in and the color. It's like the orange that I used to have (and that I loved) but it's more brown, like the bathroom at the house where I work, and I love that color. Plus I have stuff to go with it already.
I don't know exactly what I want in the guest room/office, but I've been thinking purple/grey. We'll see.

I guess the thing is is that I know I want my house to look a certain way and I don't care that it will cost more than just taking what people have laying around. Sure, it would save money, but I really, really want my house to look just so.

I might side the exterior. I don't know. I need gutters. The grass!! It's waist high now. The yard definitely needs to be cleaned up. That'll be fun...that's this weekend, pretty much. So much demo work to do this weekend, really. I want to get as much done as possible since I have the entire weekend off. I'm free from Wednesday to Tuesday....wee! If only I closed on Wednesday.

I'm working tomorrow .. blah. It doesn't matter. I must call the insurance company to get the policy drawn up asap.

That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!

I am being driven INSANE by the bank.
They have managed to drag their asses since the second week of May. I've given them everything they wanted and they still want more and make excuses. It's pissing me off to no end.
"We need this or that". I send it. "No, we need this other thing..."
How about FUCK OFF?

I'm done being patient, since that was A MONTH AGO. Fucking retarded.

I have to make copies of the goddamn certificates for the one bank account I've literally never touched and didn't set up in the first place and my mom told me we didn't have them, they didn't exist. Then tonight she goes "They're in the fire box."
Okay, so why didn't you say that a week ago when I asked for them???????????
And now I can't find the keys for the goddamn fire box.

That reminds me of a quaint story.

"Mom, what would be the first thing you would grab if the house caught on fire?"
She thought for a moment and said, "The fire box."
I blinked. "Mom...the fire box is fireproof. That's why it's a fire box...so you don't have to grab it when the house is on fire and it won't burn."
"Oh...yeah, I guess you're right. Well, I'd grab the cat."
?!!?

Wolf like me.

No, I haven't been ignoring this. There's just been that little going on. Vicky, my processor, called to remind me that I needed to send in this bullshit letter. It was three lines and apparently that was stopping the appraisal from going into underwriting. I guess they needed some kind of excuse. Whatever.

Then the damn mail carrier actually came early today so when I went to put the letter to be sent out the mail had already come. Bull.
I want it to be done and over with already!

I got a $100 gift card to Target from my employers for my birthday and when I went to spend it all...I couldn't find a single thing to buy. How disappointing. I mean, there were tons of things to buy, but I couldn't make myself do it. My parents have completely brainwashed me.

My plan to keep better track of my money and how much I put into the house is to put $500 on a Home Depot gift card or two...or wherever I buy my stuff. It'll be like a separate bank account.

Otherwise, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have better news soon.

Addendum addendum.

My bank doesn't allowe seller concessions. Ergo, the $2,000 credit for the termites from the seller...that is so lame I can't even describe. So somehow the $2,000 will be credited otherwise. Still lame.
I wish I had never bothered mentioning working for Deb. It's just a big hassle now to spell stuff out. I can't even remember when I brought it up! Ugh. Whatever.

I am SO sore from painting practically ever day since Wednesday. I got this weekend off, but it didn't do much good--just more painting. Anna's house, that is. We got the kitchen, guest bath, living room, and hallway done. I think I'm done painting there. Now there's the two bedrooms and a bathroom left. Oye.
It will be so nice to paint my own house. I think I'll tackle it myself--I usually paint by myself anyway. I've painted nearly every room in this house, at least the rooms that are painting. I did mine twice, the kitchen twice, the living room (twice on the one wall), and that doesn't include primer and everything else. But even better is that I actually know what I want my house to look like--at least the main parts. The living room will be tannish/green walls with lots of yellow and natural woods.
The kitchen is going to have pink in it. I saw it in Martha Stewart and am totally sold on the idea. I am Martha Stewart's bitch.

I got several calls today from my processor at the bank, just tidying up a few loose ends.
I called State Farm and they were so super nice, it was refreshing. I got a quote, they're mailing me that so I have it in writing, and then that's all set.
I should have over $5k in the bank by the end of the week. Yay! I have nearly $4k in another account accruing interest (has been for about five years, I never touch that account, thankfully). That's my "emergency" fund, with more than 3 months of living expenses set aside in case something happens--like losing my job. I don't think I will, but why risk it? I also have several bonds I want to cash in since they've more than matured, but I'll leave several alone. But since I have about, I think, $2k in bonds, I'm pretty well set. I know that money could disappear like *that* with unknown expenses for God knows what, but at least it's THERE.
Furniture and appliances are going to obviously be some of the most expensive purchases, but obviously necessary. I think at least $1500 will go into fixing up--paint, drywall, etc. I don't want to buy garbage, but I know I can't afford really "nice" things. But nice doesn't have to be expensive, either. I will be stingy about my appliances matching, however.

It's rather amusing that the price of a cheaper stainless steel stove is the same as what I paid for my freakin' glasses. GLASSES. They fit in my pocket. A stove...well...you know how big a stove is. For $400! That's less than my laptop, too. And my camera...
Anyway.

I need to get to sleep. Early start tomorrow!

Rather quiet around here.

I know it's silly, but I bought a fisheye lens/filter for my camera so I can take wide-angle photos of the rooms in my house for before and after pictures. Obviously it's not a real fisheye lens because those costs more than my down payment.
I mailed out my signed commitment letter for the financing, I'm going to call the insurance agent today to set that up, and then...I wait for the dreaded appraisal. I have no idea how that's going to go.
Yesterday I took Anna to see it, just the outside since I obviously don't have a key (yet) and we all noticed that the backyard had been mowed. Turns out my neighbor (ha!) mowed it. We thanked him and got to see his dog--it was a beautiful little Sheltie that jumped out of the car and stood with it's head high all but posing in the sunlight with the wind blowing it's hair. It was almost comical, but a very nice looking dog and obviously well-behaved.
Even for a rather busy holiday weekend and there were obviously people out barbequing and what not, it was still very quiet. There is so much work to be done on the outside, let alone the inside, and I think I'd rather work from the outside in as far as renovating. I need to tear out these weed-trees that someone had the bright idea to not only continue to let grow, but they defined that space with stones! Dumb. The side chainlink fence has to be painted since it's all different colors and I noticed that the braces that would attach the chainlink to the posts are missing and the only thing keeping it up, really, is the overgrown vines and weeds. That'll be fun to sort out...but there is nothing quite as rewarding as a well-kept yard.
I've discovered that just about everything that I want for my house is at K-Mart because of Martha Stewart. So not only will it look nice, it's all super affordable. Which is always a good thing. Oooh! I didn't even mean to say that but it fits so perfectly.
I'm hungry, I might go try to find something to eat.

Yay!

Rather proud.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

I got my pre-approval letter!
That's really about it.
I need a reference letter from Deb, a letter of my own explaining some things about working for her (lame), and then I need to get homeowner's insurance. I would've done that yesterday but I ended up working a lot longer than I thought.
So...yeah. I have to keep updating this so I remember everything, even if it's really small.

Approved.

I got the call from the bank--my financing went through!
Okay, so what now?!?!

My realtor was faxing over the offer, I have to find out about homeowner's insurance, and then go from there...

Since I will have the three-months of living expenses already in the account up north then I can focus my other money on fixing up the place. I'm pretty sure a couple paychecks will go into that right away...just on the basics. We'll see. Budget, budget, budget.

Um. That's about it.
It's getting hot as hell but the 16-hour matte mouse foundation by Rimmel is holding up like a champ. It's been on for hours and hours now and my forehead is shiny but that's it. And I've been sweating like a PIG. Don't even suggest the central air. I would probably be stoned to death.

I'm part of a secret gift exchange on flickr and I really need to get that stuff bought and sent out. The woman is in England that I'm buying for. Wee!

No news is good news.

Caliente.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

I got a new car--well, it's not technically mine but I get to drive it. It's a demo. A perk of my job. I have a lot of perks.

I got a call from my realtor today saying that my financing is in underwriting! I was going to call to find out what was going on today but she called before I could. Yay! She said things should be done by Thursday and a closing date can be set for whenever and...um...I'LL BE A HOMEOWNER.

It doesn't seem real, but it's pretty amazing.
It dawned on me tonight while sitting in the back of my car after visiting Kelly in Rennselaer and texting Anna about the underwriting that I'm going to turn 21 in 15 days. And I'm going to be a homeowner probably before that. I was in such a rush, I felt like I have lived with my parents for 40 years when it's been 21...there's been no reason to move out, no opportunity, so it was really just my desire to stop being treated and talked at like a child. I'll always be their child, but I'm not a juvenile anymore. Whether I like it or not, I'm an "adult"...whatever the hell that means. Oh yeah, spending every cent I make to survive. (Not really. It feels like it, though.)
My issue, as I once put it to my friend Vivian, is that we don't necessarily dislike our parents so much as we dislike being treated as kids but don't have any choice when we live with them. They won't see us as adults when we're living under their roof and they don't want to accept that we are adults even when we move out. But at least when we don't live under their roof, under their rules, we have a leg to stand on. We pay our own bills, we set our own schedules, and they really can't say anything about it--well, they can, but they can't enforce them or make us feel like we should "obey' them anymore.

I won't kid myself into thinking that once I don't live with them anymore that we'll have better relationships. We've never really and that won't change no matter what. And I'm fine with that. At least when I'm on my own I can make my own mistakes without them breathing down my neck and when they say "no" I can say "shut up! you can't tell me what to do!" and then do it. or not do it. IT'S MY CALL!

I've decided that despite my earlier conviction to keep my cat I won't be taking her with me. My parents have told me enough times that they want to keep her that I won't feel the slightest bit guilty for leaving her. I know for a fact she wouldn't like living in a smaller house and she certainly wouldn't like having so fewer places to hide and sleep all day and get away from the dogs. She just hasn't been the same since I got Judah. She honestly couldn't handle the change. I still loved her and spent as much time with her, but she didn't care and pulled away from me. Bitch.
I won't be getting another cat anytime soon. I don't really have use for cats. It's nice to have one around the house, I've already got her and have no intention of giving her away, but since my parents want her they can have her and I can live without the drama.
I do want to adopt a Greyhound, but not right away. I don't think I'll bring any new animals in for a while. At least not until I get the house sort of how I want it. There'll be plenty of time for everything next year. Or whatever--if something comes along sooner, I can decide on my own without consulting anyone or having to ask permission. FREEDOM!
How novel.

I guess my issue was always that my parents said no to stupid things and completely ignored the more important stuff. Like they have never, ever asked or cared about where I've been all night if I've gone out. They don't wonder if I'm drinking or smoking or doing drugs. I've just not done many things or often enough for it to be a problem. I smoke, they don't know, but I have said that I've smoked--they just don't believe me. I don't drink often--the times I do drink it's with them around, at my sister's house, and never when I was driving. Now I really can't stand the taste of alcohol--even the girly drinks. I've never gotten drunk and have no desire to.
I've left how many times without saying where I'm going. They don't call, leave a light on, and don't ask me the next day. I don't want them hounding me about it, but sheesh. Show SOME concern.

Suddenly I feel ridiculously young now that I'm faced with the knowledge that I'll be living on my own not in an apartment but jumping feet first into home ownership by myself. My parents waited for decades, were in their 50's when they finally bought a house, and Rachel had Adam. I've got Jude and Is.

And, too, I've noticed a sudden feeling of wanderlust. I want to see the world. I'm YOUNG...and I don't have a thing holding me down.
Well, I will. Soon enough.
So I wonder why I'm moving out--I mean, I know WHY--and why I have the dogs and why I have this job that's so personal ... it's not just a pencil pushing job....when I want to travel.
But then I would never be able to leave my dogs. I spent, oh, three or four days in California last year and by the first night in Santa Barbara I saw a dog and started crying. Literally crying because I was that upset that I couldn't touch or see or hear Judah when I went to bed that night.
Anyway...sometime in the near future when I don't have this job anymore I'll think about renting out my house and hitting the road for a while. See the country....I hope.

My big chocolate Oranda (goldfish) is worrying me. He keeps going to the surface...he never does that. He's not acting weird otherwise and doesn't look sick. But let's just say that if he died I would have to call off of work. And he'd be given a real burial.

Twiddling my thumbs.

Mama's Little War Monger.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

Now it's all just sitting around and waiting to hear from the stinkin' bank.

I can't stop decorating the house from room to room, trying to make every room unique but harmonious. I looked at Israel (pictured) the other day and realized I should take his coloring (grey, blue, gold, white) and use it in a room.

"And what inspired this room?"
"My dog."
"Oh."

Then Martha Stewart had the best idea and I should have realized it like, oh, years ago...but having a poster sized photo of your pet in the living room or kitchen or bathroom is really unexpected. I would probably even just pay someone (I know of someone who would be amazing) to take really basic portraits of the dogs on a plain background and have them over the couch or something.

I want to, and plan on, get a vessel sink for the bathroom. I just love the look and have one in the bathroom where I stay whenever I work. They're actually not badly priced--and I'm even toying with saving up for a wood vessel sink! Even though the house itself is SO plain, it's small enough that I can really splurge inside because there isn't so much to splurge on to make it all match.

Plus one of Rachel's employees from the cafe is desperate to move out of her mom's house and I said it would be fine with me if I got the house and she was interested in moving in. Obviously she'd have to be okay with the dogs and various other creatures I want to get, but I never let them destroy things (at least intentionally) and they're not allowed on the furniture except my bed and even that's starting to change. For some reason Israel won't sleep with me, he sleeps on the floor next to the bed. Either he's protecting me or he gets too hot or he's jealous of Judah when she sleeps close--not that he doesn't sleep practically on top of me most of the time anyway.

This isn't really house related, but I just love how attached Israel is to Judah. He pretends like he doesn't care a flip about her half the time when she wants to play with him and get his attention, but if she ignores him, watch out!
During the walk for church last Saturday I walked Israel and my mom had Judah and the second Judah got too far ahead of us he started yipping and mewling like a young pup for it's mother. Judah would turn right 'round and give him a look like, "Well, come on, then!"
He also constantly flops down on top of her when she's resting and he's always resting his head on her back. He'll crawl in front of her and lick at her mouth like a puppy does with it's mother. She's very tolerant and enjoys the attention even if she tries to act ticked off with him, but it doesn't last. I know that if Israel had to be apart from Judah now he would be very upset, and I'm not one to try to humanize dogs and give them emotions they don't really feel. In the way that a pack of dogs or wolves are, Israel would feel bereft if he was separated from Judah for a length of time. She's so very important on influencing his behavior for the better. He lets himself be confident and even brash when she's around because he feels safe with her.
It's really amazing when you realize the guy that was getting rid of him was doing so because he couldn't get along with that guy's dog.

$2,000

Well, the call came today that the seller agreed to give me $2,000 at the closing table for the major faults found in the inspection.
I have to keep reminding myself that hey, this is a good house on a lot of land and I'm now getting it for $33,000. I can't be picky! I'm thankful that I'm getting the $2,000 I asked for. It will definitely go to the termites.

My plans, as of now, are:

• Clean the house, inside and out. Tidy up the yard.
  
• Treat the termites.
• Put up the fence.
• Pull up carpet, put down leveling cement in the front room and bedroom.
• Tear out old paneling, put up drywall, leave plaster walls, PAINT!
  
• Put down new floors.
• Fix up kitchen--paint cabinets, fix drawers, new sink.
  
• Fix up the bathroom--paint, new floor.

Scream

I have nothing to say about the house since I'm waiting for the seller to respond to the addendum that I want $2,000 for the termites and the lack of a vapor barrier.
I keep reminding myself that this house is $35,000 so...yeah. If it needs work, then that's the cost of getting a house for that [little].
So now I'm going to waste time making a list of everything I'll need, from the most mundane to every fantasy item I would love to have if I didn't have a budget. There are so many things you don't even think of needing to buy because it's so everyday common that you just expect every life to come with these things.

The Every Day:

• Towels, washcloths
• Yard tools: rake, weed whacker, gardening tools, lawnmower
• Dinnerware
• Flatware
• Cookware
• Glassware & pitcher
  
• Bakeware
• Kitchen table and chairs
• Sofa, armchairs, coffee table
• Lamps
• Hangers
• Curtains/window treatments
• RAMEKINS! (My sister can completely relate--you know how cooks on TV always have every single ingredient from a pinch of salt to eggs to flour in individual bowls? yeah...that's what I'm talking about.)
  
• A TV and DVD player
• Batteries
• Telephones/answering machine (I almost forgot!) .... Even though it wouldn't match a damn thing there has always been a part of me that wants a candlestick phone. And so far this is the awesome.
  
• Broom & dustpan
• Vacuum
• Garbage cans
• Mop & bucket
• Cleaning supplies
• Garden hose
• Lawnchairs
• Windchimes
  

The Fantasy:

• Garden pond (300 gallons)
• A gazebo/pergola
• Patio table and chairs
• BBQ grill
• Hammock
• Fire bowl
• Large flat-panel wall-mounted TV
  
• Dishwasher
• Endless supply of money
  

A show of support.

This morning when I got home from a surprise night of "work" (aka, I went to the house of the family I nanny for and spent the night so that their older daughter, who is 17, wouldn't be alone in the house since the rest are in Florida for Mother's Day) at around 7:15 my mom informed me that her aunt Chic (not her real name, but that's what her nickname was growing up) who is a character in the best sense of the word, was really happy about the news that I'm trying to buy a house.
She's a big advocate of being independent and taking care of yourself. She's in her 80's, I think. Lives in California, has done so much genealogy work for my mom's side of the family, and the reason we started visiting Nebraska family reunions so many years ago. Her husband--a really wonderful man--died several years ago but she has a "gentleman friend". She's been coy about the details, but it's so much fun to tease her when we get to see her. He wants to marry her! But she said no.
Anyway!
She wanted to see the house and so I sent her an email with the house listing. I snuck into my mom's email and found Aunt Chic's reply and it really warmed my heart.

WOW! I LIKE THE HOUSE.

The 903 Square Feet allows you room to move around. Gary and Paula have been living in a house that size in San Francisco for 29 years and they have a dog and parrots, plus they store her harp and all of the other instruments.

Don and I have undertaken to remodel a house that was very much like this one. We painted, killed weeds, dug up the earth and planted flowers, etc. etc. It was fun and we were challenged by it. After we were finished, I was told that it was the best looking house on the street.

The termite problem is perplexing and needs to be taken care of. You might dicker with the seller about fixing the problem or sharing the cost of repair. Termites do not stop eating the wood.

I have printed a picture of the house and will take it to Senior Lunch to show my gentleman friend.

Just think of the nice colors that are now being used to paint the interior walls.

The fact that you have air conditioning, and other nice features, makes the house very comfortable. I like the laundry inside the house, too. Three bedrooms will be very nice. I have one bedroom that I call The Junk Room where I place the extras that don't fit in other parts of the house. I also have one room that is my office and holds all of my equipment. I vinal flooring installed when it was built because my office chairs glide easily around.

I am so exited about this house that I feel as though I should catch the next plane for Gary, Indiana.

Aunt Chic

::big grin::
I absolutely love the line about the Senior Lunch. She's too much! I love her.

For once no negativity...just encouragement with caution.

I signed an addendum today asking for $2,000 in a credit due to the finding of the termites and subsequent cost of repair.
I really hope it's accepted.
And goodness could the bank take any longer? Nerve wracking.

I toured IKEA tonight and had so many ideas. But I found the perfect inspiration in the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living for the living room. It's perfect, everything about it spoke to me. And I've been able to find similar furniture/designs easily and they're affordable. I also found a lovely bed frame at IKEA for $134!! I love IKEA. And I've always wanted a bed frame with a headboard and footboard...is that what's it called? It's been so long I don't know! There was also a ridiculously comfortable couch. It fit all of my criteria--deep cushions so it hits the bend of my knee, the back is high enough, the arms were at the right height, and it was just plain comfortable. I wish I checked what it was called or the price...eh. Who cares.

I can't stop thinking about the end product. I can't stop fantasizing about how it'll look after all the sweat and tears and money and time...
And it all seems worth it.
I am the worst with buyer's remorse. If I walk through a store too long without leaving I'll put back everything I've wanted to buy because I talk myself out of it.

My humble abode.

cute.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

Inspection day!

There are signs of termites.

He couldn't say how large of a problem it is, but it's fixable. Otherwise there's nothing really wrong with the place that isn't basic wear and tear from being 80 years old and lived in by God knows how many people. It won't interfere with the habitability of the home. He wished me luck and said it's a nice place.
We were there for almost two hours and in that entire time we all (Adam, my parents, the inspector and myself) would just stop and observe, "It's so quiet here!"
It's so peaceful. No barking dogs, no sounds of cars, it's basically a dead end (but not technically) and pretty much only the people who live on the street drive on it.
No gunshots, no sirens....
It's just plain lovely.

Okay, so back to the termites.
With my parents there they of course acted like it was the end of the world. My grandmother has had termites in her house for DECADES and it's still standing.
Yes, it is going to cost me several thousand (the inspector is familiar with termite extermination and said it would probably cost $1500 but it would be resolved after that) to treat the termites. Okay, so let's say $2000.
I could back out of the deal and say no thanks. Then I can try to find a place with similar space (not likely), in a similar location (ha!), with as much space (it's small, but the other places I looked at were much smaller) that isn't foreclosed on and is in reasonable condition for a similar price.
It just isn't going to happen. Even if I spent more, then what? Within four or five months I'll spend the amount it would have cost to fix the termite damage ... while that would be a one time cost, the mortgage is every month for 30 years.

I realized while talking it over with Anna and putting everything into words that my parents were so freaked out by it because they won't even fix the most minor of things in their own house let alone major issues. God forbid there was anything major! It would never get worked on and I would have to hear about it being broken for the rest of my life. No thank you!

So here's what I've decided.

If I can get a termite inspection and a real estimate, then I'll decide for sure.
But so far I can't let that deter me if it's only a few thousand right now. The price is too good regardless, it's pretty much ready to move in, and it has so much space for my animals. And let's face it. It's all about the dogs (and cat and all of the other critters soon to be acquired) and I have always done my best to give them everything. People might think that's ridiculous, stupid, and weird...but hey. It's better than supporting a deadbeat boyfriend who smacks you around and sits on the couch playing video games all day while scratching his balls.

Sorry. I had to say it.

Anyway.
My dogs can't tell me what to do. My dogs can't tell me they're disappointed in me. They don't care where we live, but if I can provide a nice backyard and a comfortable place to sleep and all the juicy raw meat they can eat...then I will. I love them so much.

I forgot! Today I noticed for the first time that (drum roll, please!) there are SIDEWALKS all around! I've been dreaming about sidewalks ever since we moved and I got a dog. It won't be the safest area, but I've got Is and Jude with me. Usually people run in the other direction when they see me coming. SIDEWALKS!!!!!

So in conclusion...

I'm going to go ahead and buy it.

I have absolutely no regrets. I don't have any misgivings and my gut is saying "Do it!"
I've been praying about it, too. Nothing is saying no.

I'll obviously talk to my realtor after she reads a copy of the inspection report.

The thing is, unlike my parents, I want to work on this house and invest in it. I want to make it mine. I want to live in it and love it despite the work and money it takes. They just complain and make excuses and I'm really, really done with that attitude.
They don't see it as a privilege to finally own a house. My father has stated countless times that he thinks it's a curse.
And whether or not he means to, and he even said he doesn't want to come across as negative, he is. He picked the whole house apart. They were such minor things that they're really only cosmetic. And he would never fix them if it was his house anyway. He has actually done many of the crappy quick-fix jobs found in the house himself. I grew up that way!!! They forget that.

All of those memories are filed away in my brain. I can recall them at the drop of a hat. They're filed under "B" for "bitter".

Termites be damned. I love this place and if it's going to happen, then I'm going to be living here.

The Way I Are.

ye old house.
Originally uploaded by This Year's Love.

Even grossly exaggerating my monthly expenses (I'm sure I've forgotten one or the other) I'm still $200 below my $1000 budget I set for myself. It would be brilliant to be able to stick to it. That leaves $200 to just..spend whilst sitll saving over $700 each month. I'll definitely need it!

I got an inspection scheduled for tomorrow at 5 PM. Afterward I remembered that I have a photo session scheduled for that same time that I've been planning since about two weeks ago. So I ended up calling the family and seeing if I could do it several hours earlier and it was fine.
I'll call the realtor tomorrow and make sure that we're on for the time and everything.

My parents drove by the house, my dad seeing it for the first time. He ripped it to shreds and doesn't like it. He got all cocky when he told me and said, "I wouldn't buy it!"
I just shrugged. I am done with defending myself. I find it completely unnecessary to do so anymore since he's proven that he knows nothing and has no business telling me one way or another.
Maybe if he spent any time fixing up his own house...but no. He's spent my entire life avoiding it at all costs. He nitpicked about everything.
"You could get a nicer house!"
And I snapped.
"Yes, I COULD, but I don't NEED to and don't WANT to. This house is FINE and that's why I'm getting an inspection done so I actually know what's wrong with it!"
Christ on a cracker! The man is just a moron. I'm so exhausted dealing with all of his bullshit.

There's a pretty silly wall in the kitchen that's flimsy at best and after Israel's literal run-in with the screen door (completely killed!) I think I would rather just tear it down and have a bigger kitchen than wait for Israel to bring it down himself.

Either way tomorrow is the deciding point since it hinges on the inspection going well. I know it's got problems but they're not terrible. Far better than what I had to grow up in!
I wish my parents wouldn't deliberately make it seem like we lived in this awesome house ... it was a shit hole, falling down around us. Nothing ever got fixed. We just moved out.

On a different note, it was a sad day for my mother. She's an ESL teacher and found out today during a party for the end of this semester for her classes that one of her students died along with her husband in a car accident while visiting her family in Mexico. Everyone was depressed after that and my mom cried a lot. Apparently this student was always the first there, books ready, and just a nice woman. People in the building remembered her even if they hadn't known her.
Sigh. I can't imagine that happening to me.
And then as I was talking to Rachel on the phone my mom held up a ten dollar bill.
"What?" I asked, not seeing anything special about it.
"It's from my Korean student for you for your house."
I laughed. It's sitting in front of my keyboard right now. How sweet is that?
And depressing. My mom's student is nicer about it than my own parents.

C'est la vie!

Where do we go from here?

I can't believe how quickly this is all going.
Saturday night I found the house listing.
Monday I went in to get preapproved for financing.
Tuesday I got a showing and saw the house. Within two hours of getting home and putting in an offer it was accepted. The offer was for $35k.
Obviously everything is pending on an inspection and appraisal. And...well...my financing.
I need to get that preapproval letter. I need them to accept my lack of credit history--I have a great score but it's only one--and the fact that I've only been working full-time for seven months. Rachel mentioned a sunshine letter from my employers and I think if I have to I'll ask them to write one up for me. I know they would do it.
There is no reason why I can't afford to move out. It's terrifying to imagine suddenly having bills to pay after nearly twenty-one years of paying back my mom for everything, even now. I really need to get a checkbook. I opted not to get one, using instead my debit card.

Sidenote: I'm watching The Daily Show tonight with George Tenet. I watched him on Meet The Press this last Sunday and was amazed at how eloquent he was. Anyway, so now Jon Stewart played a reel of other interviewers just blaming him left and right and Jon goes..."I have no where else to bruise you. So may I offer you a Fresca?"
I'm a hardcore Republican, conservative, etc., but I love Stewart and Colbert.

So anyway. Now I'm kind of scared.
Well, not kind of.
I am scared.
This is totally uncharted territory for me.
My mother keeps trying to scare me, too, saying "What happens when you don't have this job anymore?" Well, guess what. Nothing is guaranteed. Not their jobs, not mine. So I'm supposed to let that stop me from living?
They decided not to save for college for us. They decided to completely distance themselves from trying to assist me in attending school and have absolutely no remorse over how they told me this news (at the very last second) and saw nothing wrong with basically screwing me over.

::takes a breath::

I have issues with bitterness.

I realized after all of this--the phone calls, the reality of the situation--that I will live alone if I get the house. Of course I'll have plenty to keep me busy...the animals, adjusting to paying bills, getting furniture, etc., not to mention eventually the work that I will do to the house...but still. Alone. For the first time. I wake up alone every morning. I spend two nights a week at someone else's house for work.
If I could, I would find someone to live with me. There's a second bedroom. Plus it wouldn't hurt to have some financial help.
Adam says not to invest too much as far as fixing up the place...but you know, I can't see myself moving any time soon from that place. And my strongest desire is to live somewhere I can be proud of. I am not at all proud of the apartment where I grew up no matter the memories that come flooding back each time I visit it and am certainly not proud of living in this house.
My parents have sucked the enjoyment out of living in our own house. They can't just be. They focus on every single negative thing and obsess about it instead of fixing it or deciding it's not worth it to bitch about it all the time.
I don't want to live that way anymore. I just don't.
Obviously it wouldn't be practical or financially possible to fix everything right away, but there are a few things I could do to make it more...enjoyable.
We'll see what those things are if I do get the house.

So my plans are to have a joint birthday/housewarming party and everyone will be invited. I'll hopefully even have a garden scraped out by then, too. Anything to liven the place up a bit.

I'm not regretting this life-changing decision. At all. But there is so much to think about and do and argue over and I'm really just wanting it to be done already.
I know from the past that it really will go over so quickly that I won't even know what happened--which is why I've chosen to make this diary about it. I want to remember everything and what order it happened in.

If I had possession over judgement day.

I downloaded a Robert Johnson CD off of iTunes because it was $7.99 and I had just listened to him last night while cruising at night in the warm weather to Rachel and Adam's house.

I finally saw the interior of the house I have been obsessing over the last few days. It's been on the market for 12 days, which doesn't surprise me because I knew it had to be new since I had never seen it before in my searches on GNIARMLS. (I always say it like "grr, animals!" in my head when I type in the web address.)
Well, the inside needs some work--cosmetic things that wouldn't effect it's livability.
It thankfully doesn't have narrow rooms. They're fairly square and spacious (I first spelled that spaceish...wow.). It's a nice layout for 903 sq. ft.
The exterior looks good. Some peeling pant--big deal. Good roof, nice big yard, new windows, I'll have to put up a fence right away.

So I put in an offer. $35k, $900 less than they were asking. I didn't want to go so low as to insult them but why offer full price when you don't have to?

There's so much to do now. I have to call the bank, tell them I found a property, etc. But at least I went through the financing thing yesterday. I'm glad I have this week off. No way would I be able to work and juggle all of this.
But it's all going to be worth it. I have the money. I have the resources. Whether or not my parents want to admit it!

I should call my dad...no. I'll wait until I can tell him in person. Of course he's on the East Side right now laying down sod at the church. You'd never find him doing any sort of thing like that here.

Now I'm having trouble gathering my thoughts. I mean, I just signed papers saying I want to buy a house....but I don't feel nervous/bad...it's all nervous/good.

I just got a call from the realtor and she said that she talked to the listing against and he said it looks like a go. ?!?!?!?

Contain yourself.

My dad did his typical "stare" yesterday when he finally decided to talk to me about house buying. Otherwise he would go behind my back with my mom and I'd hear it through her. Such is life around here. It's how things work. He just walked up and said to be honest--that I couldn't afford to move out. I laughed. It will cost me less than $100 more a month than what I'm paying them to have a house of my own.
"Huh? How much is that?" he demanded.
"Around $250. I pay you guys $200 a month and what do I have to show for it?"
He narrowed his eyes.
Then when we were in the house he demanded to see the house online. So I showed him.
"Hmph."
He couldn't say much about it. He tried to tell me it's a bad neighborhood but it's lightyears away from where I was forced to grow up and it's pretty similar to the street we're on now. So...yeah. Don't try that argument with me.
He hung up on my mom yesterday when he told her I was crazy and she countered that at least I wasn't buying old cars and renting garage space like he did at this age. "I'll talk to you later," he mumbled and *click*. He hates hearing the truth.
He talked to a financial guy at his work, saying how I was only 21 (no, no! not yet! stop it!) and wanted to get a house and the guy said no one can stop me--and then my dad said the price of the house and the guy was like, "Well, actually..." in a tone that implied it would be silly not to look into it. Hello, $35k! That doesn't come around too often in the shape the house it's in, in the area it's in, and besides--I absolutely love the house. The siding has scalloped edges!

Today I have a showing for it at 3:30. I can't wait to see in the interior and to get a closer look at the house's outside. It's vacant, so that's nice. Rachel is coming along and maybe my Vivian too. She's out with her grandmother today since it's her day off. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with her.

I told my parents back in the winter when I got absolutely fed up with living with them (brought on mostly by the day's worth of drama when I brought Israel home) that I could move out by the summer.
Well, I of course got comfortable here again since they love Israel (and they adore Judah as well...I wonder how they'll handle not having dogs around? they play such a huge, intrical part in our daily lives and how we interact that I think I'll convince them to adopt a small dog from the shelter) and didn't bother really looking for a house. Plus, I didn't have enough savings.
It's a buyer's market. I've been hearing that for a couple weeks now.
And so I renewed my search and after two let-downs I stumbled across this house and it's...perfect.
So once again things shift into place and it looks like my earlier declarations ("I'll be moved out by the summer! You just watch!") are going to pan out to be the truth. I love saying "I told you so!". I get to say it quite often, actually.
I might be a homeowner by the age of 21...I could have my own place this summer, to do to whatever I see fit. That's over thirty years on my dad's final plunge into homeownership.

They take (they being my parents) no pride in ownership. In fact, my father sees it as a curse. He refuses to acknowledge that he's old, he's got zero energy, and he can't do everything by himself. Granted, if he ate better, slept better, and actually exercised he might feel differently but we're talking about reality. Everything that could have been worked on from the time we got the house to the time we actually moved in is still in the midst of being worked on--or torn apart to start being worked on. It's ridiculous and depressing. But you can't convince them to let anyone else do the work and they can't seem to find the time to do it either but I see them waste time ALL the time.
Meanwhile...
I am done jury-rigging. I'm done with temporary fixes. I'm done with annoying mods that make things work but not efficiently. I've lived that way for my entire life! Twenty plus years of that can get exceedingly frustrating. So I swear that no matter what, I will not let that happen. It means more money up front, but it means no frustration in the end.
Like I'll have to shell out big money for a fence, but it's worth it to have my dogs protected. I already have so many things to consider: Israel is a breed that is considered a huge threat, which also makes him desirable and people wouldn't hesitate to steal him. In my previous post I explained just how likely it was for me to give Israel up...ha.
Around here I can leave him out in the backyard because it's a private street and there's also a privacy fence. I was considering getting a nearly invisible type of fence and while economical all I can think about is how with a few snips while I'm not looking Israel could be let out. And even the idea of getting a "pit bull" kennel (steel tubing to make it almost indestructable) makes me pause because people could still come by and shoot him and he would have no place to hide.
And these are the thoughts (and very real fears) that accompany having a dog such as Israel. I still wouldn't trade him for anything.
How many people do you know that would turn down $1,000,000 if it meant giving up your dog? I wouldn't give up Judah even for a billion dollars. And that's not hyperbole! Judah is literally priceless. Nothing on heaven or earth would make me give her up. Which is another reason that I'm reassured that dogs do in fact go to heaven because it wouldn't be heaven without my Judah.
Anyway...(that was just a revelation. I never thought about that before. A billion dollars or Judah...it didn't even cross my mind to even consider taking the money. I would be miserable and suicidal without her.)

So today is the big day! I get to see the house, I get to start moving forward with growing up and being a big girl, and it also means I can stop hearing the word NO.
When you're twenty, it's frustrating and irksome to hear no and realize that you can't really do anything about it. Mainly because you're old enough to realize that, well, you live with your parents and it's not fair to think that it's okay and practical to have everything you want when there are other people living here and it's not your house.
Whether or not people realize that I know this already, let's just clear that up--Two dogs IS a lot of drama, it's a lot of work, but I knew I could handle it. I knew my parents could handle it. Not that I didn't hesitate and actually think about the consequences when I brought Israel home, but I knew that deep down it would be all right. I didn't want to go behind my parents backs AGAIN. I did that with Judah and then with Israel. Neither was planned ahead of time. I made the choice to go against what they said because I knew that in the end it would work out. It's not exactly fair or responsible to do that but my parents also know that I didn't do it to spite them (maybe just a smidge!) but because I needed these dogs. And even they can't say I don't take care of them and make it very easy to have dogs. I train them, I spend time with them, I feed them, I make sure they're healthy. And so my parents can trust that Judah will ring the bell to go outside, Israel will usually hold it, and if I need them to feed them I know exactly what and where the meat is in the freezer.
But in the end it's undeniable that my parents really love my dogs. Thankfully my mom's allergies haven't been so effected that she can't function, even though she does sometimes have congestion--but God knows there's pollen and what not in the air as well. And these carpets are OLD. Yesterday I even let the cat out into the yard for some fresh air and sunlight while my dad started to drain off the top of the pool. Judah and Israel wandered around, going up on the deck, and I always caught my dad smiling at Israel or Judah, talking to them, reaching down to pet them. And whether he admits it or not, he really likes Israel. It's hard not to love that jerkface. His personality is one that constantly seeks attention and approval and affection and returns it ten fold.
I digress...a lot...

This first year if I move out, I know that it's going to be hard adjusting to life on my own. Not to say I won't enjoy it, but I'm not going to kid myself into thinking it'll be honky-dory, even if life often does work out like that for me. I won't be able to have all the repairs I might need done right away, but they WILL get done as soon as finanaces allow. And I will get a third dog for my birthday. It's going to be interesting to see what Israel will do but I trust him. I know that if I introduced him to a dog, he would accept it. Especially if Judah met it first and displayed her usual confidence and friendliness as she does to all dogs, whether they're aggressive or nervous towards her. She has the most issues with small dogs. They absolutely despise poor Judah, who loves to play and is very aware of their size difference so she plays nicely...but little dogs--especially Dachshunds--never give her a chance. They usually bite her right away and it's so sad when she realizes that they don't want anything to do with her and she's still there with her head down and tail wagging, hoping they'll change their minds.
If the dog Mudd is still at the shelter by next month (I doubt it'll change) then I'll adopt him. Otherwise I'll look for a small dog (maybe 20 pounds) because I don't want to feed another big dog. And here I thought Israel would stay small--"pit bulls" range widely in size from 30 pounds to over 100 pounds--but he's almost doubled in size. If he was longer in the leg he would be as big as Judah. The circumference of his legs are twice that of Judah's as well. He's a big boy. Tough. Beautiful. And a pain in the butt last night when he kept getting up...

Anyway. I should check my breakfast before it burns.

Home Thoughts.

This morning I had an appointment at 10 at the bank to get preapproved financing so that I know how much I can afford to look for when I get a house. I've found a house and am still waiting for the realtor to call me back and let me know what's up with it. The list price is $35,900. I got preapproved for $60,000 since that's how much I could afford while spending only $500 a month on mortgage (with all other expenses factored in). Anyway. So I set my alarm for 8:30 AM. I let the dogs out (my shirt had ridden up and I was rudely awakened by creepy Israel licking my back! gross to the extreme) and then ... went back to bed. Wha'?
Needless to say I was jolted awake at 9:30 AM and was out the door at 9:33 AM. I was dressed, had all of my paperwork in my purse, AND had makeup on and managed to get Israel into his kennel in that time. I'm serious. Three minutes, if that.
I got there with ten minutes to spare (yes!) and then the woman I was meeting with was late anyway! So I was actually more than good. I love (not!) cutting it close.

I want to call the realtor I left a message for but I don't want to be annoying--but I really, really want to know what's going on with the house and if I can get a showing like...today. I know that's impossible, I'm just saying, I really, really want to see the inside of the house. It's about two miles from here (where I live now) and while my parents might tell me it's in a bad neighborhood it's ten times better than where I grew up--and lived until three years ago! So they have very little room to talk. I grew up a couple houses away from a bar. The kind with a big Old Style On Tap sign dangling over the sidewalk.

In less than a month I'll be twenty-one. The woman I spoke to today said, "You are very young" when I told her my birthdate. She had just been talking about her son and how he wants to get a house ... and he's twenty-six.

Look, I never thought I would be able to financially afford my own house this early. I've been so blessed these last few months (even more so this week since I've got the whole week off) and I'm tired to feeling sorry for myself. I hate living with my parents still and it's not really healthy anymore. They didn't get a house of their own until they were in their fifties. You couldn't pay me--I'm serious--to live the way that they did up until nearly three years ago. I lived that way for eighteen years and I have no intention of repeating that horrible mistake in my own life.

People are quick to tell me I should rent something first.
I made the decision to get a dog. I didn't know she was going to be such a big dog, but that's what it is. She's too big, she's too many breeds that people hate, and even if she is ridiculously friendly and well-behaved, it would still cost me more than twice as much for half the space and none of the freedom if I managed to even find a place that would let me keep her. And while some people would feel comfortable giving away their pets for the sake of a place to live, I could never, ever give my Judah up. If you think there would ever be a moment of insanity that would make me feel otherwise then you don't know me at all.
And I also have a cat. And my fish. Oh, and ...one of those dreaded "pit bull" type dogs. So that alone would make it literally impossible to find some place to rent. And I don't want to rent anyway!

I'm going to look into how much it would cost to get $100k liability insurance. I don't think Israel will ever attack someone and even if he did it would be justified. Sorry, but that's how I feel. He has to be provoked to want to react in any way and if that's the case, then whoever gets mauled would deserve it and then some. The thing is...he's a good dog. He's predictable. And whether or not people believe it, "pit bulls" are one of the best breeds I've ever come across. They have so much going for them and it's sad that a few complete morons own these dogs and make it that much more difficult to be a responsible pit bull owner.
Whether or like it or not I might even license him. I have Judah licensed but what a pain in the ass that was. No one knew what the hell they were doing and it took more than five phone calls and then more phone calls when I actually got to the office to find someone who knew what was going on. It was ridiculous and not at all worth the time. Plus I don't want them knowing I have a "pit bull" in case they want to confiscate him. Over. My. Dead. Body.
People were appalled when others were saying they would seriously injur/kill whoever tried to take away their dogs. Um, yeah. They would take Judah or Israel away only after prying my cold dead hands off of them.

Where was I...?
Oh yes. House hunting.

This house is so darling. It has a large yard that needs to be fenced in properly but I've found a great alternative that's half the price of any other type of fencing--and it's not permanent so if I moved I could take it with me. I can already picture the garden I would have and the landscaping and the goldfish pond! My goal/dream is to have a 300 gallon pond for the fish to live in rather than a twenty-nine gallon or even fifty-eight gallon aquarium. I would probably keep fish inside anyway during the winter but during the summer I would definitely keep them outside. Then they could get huge.
I'm going to have a cat-proof fence so I can let Omaha outside and not worry about her escaping and I want to get more cats and have them mainly outdoors but access to the inside. And they would eat birds and mice and all things cats should eat. Omaha will have to realize that, too.
I want some rabbits. Or just one. I don't know. That's for later, not right away. Maybe a ferret or two. I think I want a ferret mostly because they're part of the weasel family and they would eat raw meat, too. I really like owning carnivores because it makes you realize just how special they are and amazing but then too I want to have some strict herbivores. Even the goldfish are omnivores! So a rabbit, maybe, or birds like finches.
Rats! If I could find a way to get over my allergy I would have a rat room. It was always my dream to have a special room set aside just for a colony of rats. I know it's silly but I can still picture all of the custom changes I would make--like shelves all over the walls for them to climb on, real tree branches to gnaw and scurry over, a small pool to dive in, hammocks and boxes and toys everywhere, and anyway....I miss having rats something awful.

Well, I've got to go put on a bra (do I have to?) and pick up my little sister from school.