Where do I even begin?

Closing went super fast and really well. Sign here, sign here. Hand over the check, take the key, thank you!

Rachel and I drove over, I put down the welcome mat, we were chit chatting about how I've only been in there two times and she's only been in it once. We go to the first bedroom and stop in the hall when we hear rustling. It wasn't our imagination. A raccoon!? my mind races.

Rachel starts SCREAMING and I turn and notice about a second after she did A FUCKING TOPLESS BLACK WOMAN COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET!

We both started shreiking, Rachel lost a flip flop in our scramble to get out of the house as fast as we could. The TOPLESS BLACK WOMAN HIDING IN THE CLOSET (who HEARD us and didn't say anything!) kept saying, "Is this your house? DON'T BE SCARED! DON'T BE SCARED! I WAS JUST--" and our screams drowned her out.

Rachel called the cops. Two finally showed up. They were a bit perplexed, putting on their gloves and crossing the lawn. They found her out back. How she got in we don't know. The third cop to show up raised his eyebrows at our story and laughed. LAUGHED! They were all very amused by it. I was not.

Nothing was missing, but the laundry room was weird. The ceiling tile was ripped down, the paneling was off the wall, but it wasn't necessarily damaged.

The crack whore left some kind of gauze in the room on the floor and a small piece of foil with fucking lube on it and the story was that she was brought there by some guy, lied about having never been there before, and saying that he told her it was vacant and she was turning a trick for $80.

I swear I could not make this shit up if I was high and sipping Darjeeling with Andy Griffith.

I had to tell my parents. I mean. Shit.

I am never going back there alone until I have a security system. I'm putting up a No Trespassing sign tonight as per the cop's suggestion. It was funny because he was like "Are you moving in?" and I said yeah, but I have two dogs.
"What kind?"
And I proudly said, "A pit bull and a Rottweiler mix."
And I'm never going there without Israel. Nuh-uh. I am this close to getting a German Shepherd.

Fucking crazy. JUST PLAIN CRAZY!

My mom called me back after I told her and she said that Isla (the wife of the pastor of the church that she has her evening classes at) said that I should put crosses up in the rooms. And I said I already planned on getting the house blessed and just holy shit (?) I am totally doing that. She also said I should have a prayer meeting there. Yes, please! Because we don't know what went on in there before and sue me, I believe in that stuff (creepy shit happening, bad vibes, etc). I had enough very paranormal experiences at my old apartment to know it's not imaginary.

I don't need no bad juju in my house, dammit!

I got the phone line appointment made for Monday, the gas got turned on this morning (and thank God I only had to wait around for two hours rather than nine that the company laughed about) and I got that put in my name, obviously.

Next order of business is doing the minor work I want to--floors, painting, etc. I have no idea when I'm going to get this shit done.

I was standing in my house this morning while waiting for the NIPSCO guy and thinking,"I am so in over my head."
I don't know--I'm glad I'm moving out and I want to do the work but AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!